


The Incident Of The Trouser Snake In The Kitchen

by RebelDrFerguson



Series: In The Name Of Scottish Trouser Snakes [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Black Eyes, CRACK SMUTT, F/M, Question Mark Yfronts, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 17:03:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7722682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelDrFerguson/pseuds/RebelDrFerguson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's morning and Clara has arrived downstairs to greet a timelord in question mark Y fronts. Why did she think this time would be any better that the first? Well, at least this time she didn't get knocked out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Incident Of The Trouser Snake In The Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xXdreameaterXx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdreameaterXx/gifts).



> Crack. Really. I'm doing this for the sake of stupid fluffy, fuckery and funny whouffaldi. Normal plot worthy fiction will resume shortly. I hope.

Now when your once bitten they say your twice shy. But for Clara once knocked out by the Doctor's penis she was twice as curious to get her leg over the TimeLord.

After the TARDIS had kicked him out the night before due to some spillage and slime situation he'd spent the night on the sofa tinkering with his sonic and watching cartoons at 2am.

She awoke at 7am to the smell of burning toast and stumbled down stairs in her dressing gown to see the Doctor trying to make breakfast.

She spotted some odd looking purple mashed vegetable on a plate beside two dark pieces of burnt toast and the Doctor was busy trying to rescue the third piece of toast from the contraption before the fire alarm went off.

The first thing she noticed was he wasn't wearing any pants. The second things she noticed were the question marks on his Y fronts. The third thing was the sight of the morning wood he was sporting.

Opening the fridge only to slam it shut to gain his attention she smirked as he jumped and turned to her only to whip back around and half covering himself with the tea towel he was holding.

"Morning" he squeaked trying to reach back in the toaster.

"Hey" she offered lamely as if she hadn't just seen the straining underwear and wondered if the elastic was about to give way.

"Sorry about...the other day...I thought, I hadn't seen..." he trailed off unsure how to apologise for knocking her out with his dick.

Clara laughed. "Don't worry, I slept the pollen off"

"Did you like my video?" he asked the dirty smirk evident in his voice.

Clara paused in reaching for mug from the cupboard to recall the video he'd sent her on the phone.

The way his slim fingers caressed his length. How he bit his lip when he teased the tip. The way he moaned and bucked when he came spurting all over himself and the screen.

"Yeah...it was hot"

So hot in fact she'd gotten herself off to the damn thing 3 times in one evening! But she wasn't about to boost his ego to much or else he wouldn't get out of the flat.

As the Doctor began to put butter on his burnt toast Clara took it as an opportunity to get behind him. If she could just pull those pants down a little...

But the second he felt her fingers on his hips and moved and looked around, Clara moved aside to reach for a spoon from the drawer.

When he looked away again she patted his bum as she went back to stir her tea.

"Oi"

"Cute butt"

"I do not have cute butt" he protested chomping on his toast covered in purple mash.

"Oh god what is that?" she asked. It look disgusting.

"Acadian Plum and Axon Blood jam...it's good for you" he offered the toast to her and she winced away.

"Eugh no thank you, I'll stick to marmalade" she said moving around to his other side to reach into the cupboard where she kept the jars.

"I bet you taste like marmalade" the doctor muttered

"What was that?"

"Nothing" he shrugged innocently turning to her now a bit more confidently and watching her face as her eye dropped to his erection.

Clara gripped the jar in her hand tighter for fear of dropping it. "Well...someone's enjoying his toast"

"That someone who is telepathic and saw and heard everything you were doing last night to my video....is happy" he smirked and she blushed. Damn him and his stupid alien skills.

Wow, those Y front were really struggling right now...

Trying not to look to eager Clara went about making her breakfast as the TimeLord finished his.

But it was the loud clatter and smash of a plate and knife that caught her attention and she turned to see the Doctor having knocked his empty plate off the counter.

"Oh...damn sorry" He sounded more or less genuinely shocked he'd just done that but part of her guessed it had probably been on purpose because she was on her knees beside him in a second to pick up the pieces before he bent down.

She'd scooped up two of the largest pieces and the knife before she felt him turning to face her his cock only a few inches from her face now. She paused in her clearing and looked up to find him holding the waistband of his Y Fronts and biting his lip.

She forgotten she was wearing nothing but a silk dressing gown and it had opened when she bent down revelling her bare chest and her breast on full show.

A small wet spot had appeared on the Y fronts at the head of his cock and he smirked down at her like a lion would a mouse.

"I don't think, I can...hold this any longer, I've been waiting for 18 hours to come for you" he said innocently like some horny school boy and Clara forgot all about the plate on the floor as he began to pull the fabric down.

His cock bent ever so slightly as he teased and it was like waiting for a gun to go off.

She shouldn't have leant closer, she shouldn't have moved her head because at the last second when she thought she might need to help him it sprang free and smacked her in the eye.

"OW" her hand shot to right eye as she fell back on her bum, her dressing gown flying open completely now revelling her thin silk night dress and the Doctor spotted she wasn't wearing any knickers.

His automatic response to grab his cock caused it blow and with a groan of pleasure a huge streak of come shot through the air and rained down on Clara as she sat on the floor.

Spurt after spurt, the arch of his hips as he stroke himself was one of the most erotic if not thee most erotic sight she had ever seen!

Catching his breath he opened his eyes to survey the damage. A cum drenched companion on her kitchen floor surrounds by bits of broken plate sporting a black eye.

He pursed his lips.

"I'm not very good at this am I?"

 

* * *

 

 Clara tried her best that morning to cover the shiner the Doctor had given her with makeup but alas the kids from 8th year English saw right through it.

"Whoa, did you get in  fight miss?" yelled one of the boys closest to the front of the room.

"Miss has got a right patch there!" said another one as everyone tried to see.

"Sit down, and get your books out, never mind my black eye" she said just as the Headmaster walked through the door, the Caretaker TimeLord behind him.

Oh great, she was rather sexually frustrated to fuck after that display in the kitchen and now she'd have to put up with him around the school.

"My Miss Oswald what have you been up too?" the Headmaster asked having looked to her face when he heard the children's natter.

Clara glanced to the Doctor behind him and fought laughing as he gestured at the door.

"I...walked into a door" she offered and the TimeLord sighed in relief.

Of course she did. She didn't get this black eye from a 2000 year old alien's dick smacking her in the face and then spurting all over her did she? Of course not.

"That's what my sister told my mum when her boyfriend hit her miss" one lass shouted and the whole class gasped.

The Doctor looked just as shocked at the outburst and the headmaster looked curious.

"I don't have boyfriend" Clara said quickly to cover it up and tried to sit at her desk but half ended up on the floor when Courtney appeared in the hall as she ran in late for Maths.

"Course she does! She's dating the janitor!" she shouted and the whole class erupted into laughter as The Doctor turned red faced and legged it from the room before the Headmaster could ask any further questions.

 

 

Bloody horny TimeLords and there premature ejaculation issues. Clara was really going to have put some training into that alien.


End file.
